S.P
17-10-2006, 13:00 37
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Tesco's.........
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy *******)
SEX:.... Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:...... Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:...... £2,585,000 a year plus stock options and a John Prescott severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:..... Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:...... Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:..... A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:...... My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:.......... It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:.......... Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: ..........1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:.......... Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: .......If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:......... Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:............. I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:........... I may already be a winner of the Readers Digest fortune, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:............... On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: .......Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.Actually, I'd like to be doing that now
NEAREST RELATIVE.......... 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:......... Oh yes, absolutely.
They hired him because he was so funny..... :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy *******)
SEX:.... Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:...... Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:...... £2,585,000 a year plus stock options and a John Prescott severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:..... Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:...... Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:..... A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:...... My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:.......... It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:.......... Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: ..........1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:.......... Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: .......If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:......... Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:............. I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:........... I may already be a winner of the Readers Digest fortune, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:............... On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: .......Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.Actually, I'd like to be doing that now
NEAREST RELATIVE.......... 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:......... Oh yes, absolutely.
They hired him because he was so funny..... :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: